i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
