VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize