if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
