I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
