Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
