The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
