my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
