i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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