So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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