I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
