Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
