he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
