I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize