Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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