We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
