Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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