youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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