Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
