Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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