the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
