Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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