Farmville is her only friend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
