I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
