i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
