I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
