Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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