Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
