Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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