I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
