Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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