Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
