I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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