I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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