what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
