I accidentally had phone sex last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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