Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
