Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
