you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
