Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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