I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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