can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
