Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
