1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize