After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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