Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize