im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
