Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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