Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
