He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
