Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
