I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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