Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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