Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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