he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
