We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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