I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
