C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
