I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
