So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
