been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
