What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
