I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
