I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
